if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
