non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
