Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
