So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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