Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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