I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
