I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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