Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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