You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Barsexuality is the new black.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
