Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize