can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
