i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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