I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My cat gives me a boner
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
