I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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