I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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