Need sex. Gaining weight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
