you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
love makes seman taste better
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
