if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
