how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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