So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
