On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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