Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
