I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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