we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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