youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
