you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if only i could text you this smell
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
