??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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