I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
