the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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