my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh god it's open bar.
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