I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
