apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
