dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
