I'm jealous of your bromance
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
