i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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