so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
