she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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