my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
