When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
