woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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