I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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