My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
