there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
