Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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