Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
