Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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