Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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