I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
