He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
