I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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