Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
