are you still at the devil's house?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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