The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
