if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
