a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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