apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
