watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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