people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
