Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
they need to just BURY HIM!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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