I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
