Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
