There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
