The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
