Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I met the friendliest cop last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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