I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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