It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
