Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I want is dick and wine.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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