Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
