evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
