so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize