Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize