dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
