the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
