Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
