you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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