Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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