i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
