Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
