Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
