Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
