my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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