Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
