if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We left an ass print on the piano.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize