white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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