I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
