Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
